VTMAS No.49: Between A Cow’s Butt & the Gate

It’s been some time since I shared a cow or FFA story, so here’s a short, sweet and semi-horrifying moment.

I remember that day well. It was sunny and pretty out, I had on a tank top and overalls sporting a baseball cap which I was wearing backwards. My sister was outside the gate waiting for me to finish so I could drop her off at the mall. I was taking care of a small Black Angus heifer named Mary Ann at the time and so I was finishing the last chore. She was over with my sister licking her hands when I poured her food in the bucket on the opposite end.

Being the silly person that I am, I decided to race her through the halfway gate and well, we got jammed. The gate was digging into my back and she was mooing for me to move, but her butt was up against my chest. My sister was laughing as she watched me and the little heifer struggle to untangle ourselves.

Then I saw her arching her back.

“No..” I gasped, wriggling more which caught the back belt loop of my overalls on the gate latch. “Nononononononono!”

The tail was lifting!!

“NOOOOOOO!!” My sister stopped laughing and paled as I screamed. “NO! SHE STILL HAS LOOSE BOWELS! NOOO!”

And then cometh the flood.

Hot steamy watery cow poop poured relentlessly down the front of my overalls. The only line of defense I had  was tugging them as high as I could to keep the poop on the outside of my overalls. I wailed as she mooed at the awkward exchange. It slowed, ending in a short fart, she step forward and I was free. She pushed past me as I stood there in shock….

“Oh. My. God.” My sister was in tears as she looked on in panic. She was someone who fussed over her looks and to see this go down was horrifying to her.

I calmly and quietly lift the cow pin and walked out the animal yard gate where I knew a hose sat. I turned it on, full blast and desperately rinsed what I could. I figured it was better to be wet than to be covered in poop.

Never again would I dare entertain the thought of racing the cow through the gate again….

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