VTMAS No.38: Gas On A Plane

We had just gotten married back in April 2007 and I was excited that I was going with my husband and his family to a reunion. I had just experienced my real first plane rides on our honeymoon to Cancun and here I was about to fly to Ohio. It was going to be my first trip that far north.

“You know what I like best about plane rides?” We were waiting for our turn through security as Justin started to grin wide, the mischievous sparkle in his eye as he spoke, “When you pass gas on a plane, everyone looks for the offender but you can’t tell who did it. Usually they blame the fattest guy.”

“That’s horrible.” I was questioning my marriage as he giggled. “That’s so wrong, it’s not like anyone can roll down a window when that happens.”

“Oh it’s funny.” He chortled, “Because no one can escape.”

Let it be known, that we made it to Ohio with no incidents. And I had forgotten this tiny scary conversation by the time we were all heading back to the Columbus, Ohio airport. We stopped at the McDonald’s for a quick bite to eat, made it through the security and on the plane without any problems. The plane took off and I was about to doze off when I felt it.

A vibration rattled through my seat while my husband started to giggle.

Wide eyed, I lipped, No you didn’t.

A sickening smell similar to rotten onions invaded my nostrils and stung my eyes. Grabbing my hoodie, I did my best to shove my face into it while playing out I was sleeping. More vibrations sent me giggling and punching at my husband. We were an hour away from Orlando, Florida airport and the Silent-But-Deadlies were starting a rumbling of complaints throughout the plane.  I eyed my in-laws in the seats across me and they were holding their noses along with most of the closer victims.

What had I married? A monster. That’s what.

More vibrations, uncomfortable giggling from other passengers joined my husband’s own and now I was sure I heard someone from the very back of the plane fussing about the smell. Another voice whined about rotten onions and I found myself snickering; I completely agreed with the horrid reference.

The plane landed and the eagerness to escape the gassed out plane sent all of us rushing off it. By this point, I really had to go to the bathroom since I dare not break away from my gas-mask hoodie on the plane. As I sat in my stall, I could hear the mother-in-law with our little three-year-old niece entering the one beside me.

“Woo! Kylee, you really had some bad gas!” I burst into laughing, tears coming down my cheeks. OMG! The whole plane thought it was our little niece! 

When I finally caught my breath, I managed to exclaim, “That wasn’t Kylee! That was your son!”

My mother-in-law squealed as she laughed at the news, “No! Justin! I should have known!”

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